cake ideas for allie

MATT CAMERON- DRUMMER

my creepy new old man crush, not that he is creepy, but the fact that i am attracted to older men is creepy. he is the drummer for Sound Garden and used to be the drummer for Pearl Jam. i like his big nose, thin frame and slick smile. shocker....

THANKS JEN

classy beeches

thanks jen for helping me not puke
then helping me as i puked
and get changed, trying not to show carolyn my breasts
while flashing my cupa to everyone, amazon bush style
who was the 3rd person in the room?
can't beleive i missed half of the party though....
oh well, got tired of hearing-
"my name is {whatever} and this is my wife {skinny bitch}"
pretty sure i grabbed flasher guys "dong"
and then fell over on his girlfriend and ripped my dress
i do vaguely remember making a second appearance to get lucy
who was and still is trying to find peoples drinks on the ground
alc-y doggie
now trying to snuggle back and forth between couches
with derek and some woman
there are condoms allover the floor
part of some guys costume
he was probably a nurse that wanted to make sure everyone was safe
thank God i didn't sleep with anyone
although i can't wait to hear which slutty ER people did
now i'm hoping my crazy neighbor comes over to yell
i feel like angry empowered yelling today

woke up looking like this

LUCY PANDA BEAR

moses puppy

today is lucy's birthday
what an aweful day it was last year
so pathetic of me to say i love you to a narsicist in the last hour
someone who will never know what it's like to really love, to be selfless
well my world is no longer yours for the taking
keep eating your cake
but don't ask for any of mine
when you relize you don't have any left
because you ate it
because you give yourself whatever you want
and then wonder why you've never actually gotten what you want
so keep your candy on speed dial
if you need a sugar fix
but take my name off your list
i'm not one of your pixie stix
i'm glad you found a woman to love you for the jerk you are
put up with your lies and pay for your stuff
well i found a woman too
but she pees on the carpet and eats my shoes
she's a needy bitch in the best kind of way
i taught her to sit and also to stay
...which is also just sitting...
she loves all my friends and my family as well
when i cry she comes to snuggle
when i come home it's time to play
what a nice girl to come home to at the end of the day
she was crafted for me before i knew
i'm a crazy dog lady
but i'd rather be with her, if the world is like you
and stay full of hope and lose a few shoes

take your panda to work day

DAMN DAMN DAMN!

Grrr!!!

Anger!

everyting is broken!

listen to me complain blog world!

my phone is crap!

the fridge broke for the 6th time!

cant find time or help to finish the porch i've been fixing up for a year!

tired of puting money into my new car!

the dogs are shit machines! machines! 

and urine abounds!

i am incapable of keeping my clothes on the hangers!

and shit out of my car!

and dishes out of the sink!

why am i such a slob?!

why is my boss a better cyclist than me after 3days?!

why have i not lost a single pound after 7months of biking?!

why are all my new hires mouth breathing morons?!

where the hell is the damn tree that money grows on?!

is sucking cock the ONLY thing i'm good at?! 

Really?!

Baaaaahhhhh!!!!!

Bah!

dismal...

ROMEO YOU SLY DOG

really? have you kissed someone within 2 min of knowing them? what a sly dog. i bet he was a skinny fella with a big nose and smile-smirk-grin that makes you wanna smack it off his face, or blush and giggle, cause hey- he's smirkin' at you babe... wipe those dimples off your face! before i do something stupid, like kiss you.... hey babe i just wanna hold hands- like the ones saints pray with, i just wanna kiss your lips- like the lips saints pray with. (uncensored version) hey babe maybe you should get on your knees, ya know- like when saints pray.... son of a bitch. he used -worship- to trick fuck her. 

ROMEO

    O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
    It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
    Like a rich jewel in an Ethiope's ear;
    Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear!
    So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows,
    As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
    The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand,
    And, touching hers, make blessed my rude hand.
    Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
    For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night. 

cut to the good part......

ROMEO

    [To JULIET] If I profane with my unworthiest hand
    This holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:
    My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand
    To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss.

JULIET

    Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much,
    Which mannerly devotion shows in this;
    For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch,
    And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

ROMEO

    Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too?

JULIET

    Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer.

ROMEO

    O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do;
    They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

JULIET

    Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake.

ROMEO

    Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take.
    Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged.

JULIET

    Then have my lips the sin that they have took.

ROMEO

    Sin from thy lips? O trespass sweetly urged!
    Give me my sin again. 

MORE HIP THAN BABY OWLS

ode to me for i art awesome

more teeth in my grin than a squint eyed possum

more foul than a bushel of owls

hunting my pray, i'm the one who prowls

cuter than a bowl of bunny cookies 

watch my swager to your left, looky looky

always moving forward like a bunch of bikes

ready first thing in the morning like a batch of Pike's

bushel, bowl, bunch

better than bright red punch

if you agree with me bitch buy me some lunch

OKAY, SO HERE'S THE PLAN

this is how we'll get there 

here is the path we will take

our picnic destination 

then we'll tell stories in the "tent"

and in the morning we'll wake up here

after we meet of course 

WE ARE DIFFERNT WOMEN BECAUSE OF THIS SONG GROWING UP

Look at this stuff, isn't it neat?

Wouldn't you think my collection's complete?

Wouldn't you think I'm the girl

The girl who has everything?

Look at this trove, treasures untold

How many wonders can one cavern hold?

Looking around here, you'd think

Sure, she's got everything

I've got gadgets and gizmos a-plenty

I've got who's-its and what's-its galore

You want thing-a-mabobs?

I've got twenty

But who cares? No big deal. I want more

I wanna be where the people are

I wanna see, wanna see 'em dancin'

walkin' around on those

Whaddya call 'em? Oh, feet

Flippin' your fins, you don't get too far

Legs are required for jumpin', dancin'

Strollin' along down the

What's that word again? Street

Up where they walk

Up where they run

Up where they stay all day in the sun

Wanderin' free, wish I could be

Part of that world

What would I give if I could live

Outta these waters?

What would I pay to spend a day

Warm on the sand?

Betcha on land they understand

Bet they don't reprimand their daughters

Bright young women, sick of swimmin'

Ready to stand

And ready to know what the people know

Ask 'em my questions and get some answers

What's a fire, and why does it

What's the word? Burn

When's it my turn?

Wouldn't I love?

Love to explore that shore up above

Out of the sea, wish I could be

Part of that world

FUN WITH RAGE

fuck you, you snaggletoothed bitch

you decided to be crazy and flip the switch

i don't even miss you

not even a smidge

you've shown your true colors

you've burned every bridge

one day all of this will be revealed to your lover

but enough about you and on to another

i look at my phone and i'm filled with rage

for it once was yours on a different life's page

i see every message to her and to her

so much foul play it's all just a blur

every glance at it now seems to be tainted

as i recall asking how you were aquainted

your guilty grin in my mind still lingers

as poisonus words dripped from your fingers

i'm glad to see that you have finally changed

and proved to the world you're completly deranged

a year has gone by and you're still the same

even worse off if i dare do claim

i look at my phone and i'm filled with rage

for i once was yours on a different life's page

every word that you write you are setting a trap

keep all of her and have some of me back?

what a great idea, if only it worked

as she looks at your phone and looks at your smirk

you don't even hide it it's just who you are

one thousand apologies wouldn't set you at par

so you can have your cake and your cupcakes as well

if you come to My bakery then you'll soon prefer Hell

REDIC

some adults will always be teenagers.

i'm too tired to care.

change yourself if you hate your life.

hell in a handbasket?

i'll cary a wallet.

and walk

the fuck

away

NEED NEW STOCKINGS

sexy. theatrical. earty. swarovski. classic. modern. edgy. me.